Ok, here it is
hope you do not laugh to much!
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Q. What is the biggest problem for an atheist?
A. No one to talk to during orgasm.
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Q. What do you call a blonde grabbing at air?
A. Collecting her thoughts
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Q. How does a Welshman find a sheep in tall grass?
A. Very satisfying.
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Q. Whats worse than being raped by Jack the Ripper?
A. Being fingered by Captain Hook.
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Q. Did you hear about the nympho at the hotel
pool?
A. She was barred from the area after the lifeguard
saw her go
down for the third time.
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Q. When does a cub scout become a boy scout?
A. When he eats his first Brownie.
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Q. What's the difference between men and jelly
beans?
A. Jelly beans come in different colors.
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Q. How can you tell a macho women?
A. She rolls her own tampons.
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Q. What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
A. They're both filled with stiffs - except one's
coming and
one's going.
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Q. What do you do in case of fallout?
A. Put it back in and take shorter strokes
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Q. What are the three greatest lies?
a)
the check is in the mail
b)
small is beautiful
c)
I won't come in your mouth
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Q. Why did the pervert cross the road?
A. Because he got his dick stuck in the chicken?
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Q. What do you call a rabbit with a bent dick?
A. Fucks funny
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Q. What do you call grit in a condom
A. An organ grinder
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Q. Why did the condom fly across the room?
A. Because it got pissed off.
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Q. What kind of bees give milk?
A. Boo bees.
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Q. What is the mating call of a blonde?
A. "I'm sooooo drunk!"
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Q. What do you get when you cross a blonde and
a pit bull?
A. Your last blow job....ever!
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Q. What is the definition of wicker box?
A. It's what Elmer Fudd wants to do to Madonna.
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Q. What do you call a female midget who's nice
and gives head?
A. Short, sweet, and to the point!
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Q. Did you hear about the new "morning after"
pill for men?
A. It changes their blood type.
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Q. What was the first obscenity ever heard on
TV?
A. "Ward, weren't you a little hard on the Beaver
last night?"
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Q. If you go to bed 9 hours before you have to
wake up, and you
wife wants to have 2 hours of sex,
how much sleep will you get?
A. 8 hours, 59 minutes - who cares what she
wants!
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Q. What did Adam say to Eve?
A. You'd better stand back, I don't know how big
this thing gets
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The Beer vs. Pussy Debate
A beer is always wet. A pussy needs encouragement.
Advantage: Beer.
A beer tastes horrible served hot. A pussy tastes
better served hot.
Advantage: Pussy.
Having an ice cold beer makes you satisfied.
Having an ice cold pussy makes you Hillary Clinton.
Advantage: Beer.
Beers have commercials making fun of skunky ones.
Pussy does not.
Advantage: Draw.
If you get a hair in your teeth consuming pussy,
you are not disgusted.
Advantage: Pussy
24 beers come in a box. A pussy is a box you
can come in.
Advantage: Pussy.
Too much head makes you mad at the person giving
you a beer.
Advantage: Pussy.
If a beer is brewed with yeast, it is still edible.
Advantage: Beer.
If you come home smelling like beer, The Woman
may get mad.
If you come home smelling like pussy, she will
definitely get mad.
Advantage: Beer.
6 beers in a night and you better not drive.
6 pussies in a night and you have done all the
driving you need.
Advantage: Pussy
Buy too much beer and you will get fat.
Buy too much pussy and you will get poor.
Advantage: Draw
It is socially acceptable to have a beer in the
stands at a football
game.
You are a legend if you have a pussy in the stands
at a football game.
Advantage: Pussy
If a cop smells beer on your breath, you are
going to get a breathalyzer.
If a cop smells pussy on your breath, you are
going to get a high five.
Advantage: Pussy
With beer, bigger is better.
Advantage: beer.
Wearing a condom does not make a beer any less
enjoyable.
Advantage: beer.
Pussy can make you see God. Beer can make you
see the porcelain God.
Advantage: Pussy
If you think all day about the next pussy you
will have, you are normal.
If you think all day about your next beer, you
are an alcoholic.
Advantage: Pussy
Peeling labels off of beers is fun.
Peeling panties off of pussy is more fun.
Advantage: Pussy.
If you try to snag a beer at work, you get fired.
If you try to snag a pussy at work, you get hit
with sexual harassment.
Advantage: Draw
If you suddenly drop a beer, it may break.
If you suddenly drop a pussy, it may hunt you
down like the dog you are.
Advantage: Beer.
If you change to another beer, your old brand
will gladly have you back.
Advantage: beer.
The best pussy you have ever had is not gone
once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Pussy.
The worst pussy you have ever had is not gone
once you have enjoyed it.
Advantage: Beer.
Bad beer: Schlitz, Pabst Blue Ribbon, Old Swill.
Bad pussy: Roseanne, Janet Reno, Madeline Albright.
Advantage: Draw
Good beer: Guinness, Sam Adams, Killian's Red
Good pussy: Almost all but the above.
Advantage: Pussy.
The government taxes beer.
Advantage: Pussy.
It's a close call, but the numbers never lie.
Advantage: Pussy.
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The finals of the National Poetry Contest last year
came down to two finalists. One was a Harvard University Law School graduate
from an uppercrust family--well-bred, well-connected, and all that goes
with it. The other finalist was a redneck from Southeast Alabama A&M.
The rules of the contest required each finalist
to compose a four-line poem in one minute or less, and the poem had to
contain the word "Timbuktu."
The Harvard graduate went first. About thirty
seconds after the clock started he jumped up and recited the following
poem:
Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked the dusty caravan.
Men on camels, two by two
Destination--Timbuktu.
The audience went wild!!! How, they wondered,
could the redneck top that?! The clock started again and the redneck sat
in silent thought. Finally, in the last few seconds, he jumped and recited:
Tim and me, a-huntin' went.
Met three whores in a pop-up tent.
They was three, we was two,
So I bucked one and Timbuktu.
Have
you had enought?, just in case here are some more.....
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A husband and
wife want to take golf lessons from a pro at a local
country club.
The man and woman meet the pro and head onto the driving
range. The
man goes up to hit first. He swings and hits the ball 100
yards. The
golf pro says not bad.
Golfpro: "Now
hold the club as firm as you hold your wife's breasts."
The man follows
instructions and hits the ball 300 yards. The golf pro says "Excellent!"
Now the woman
takes her turn. Her ball goes 30 yards.
Golfpro: "Not
bad, try holding the club like you hold your husbands dick."
She swings
and the ball goes 10 yards.
Golfpro: "Not
bad, but now try taking the club out of your mouth and hit the ball."
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Two dwarfs decide
to treat themselves to a vacation in Las Vegas. At
the hotel bar,
they're dazzled by two women, and wind up taking them
to their separate
rooms. The first dwarf is disappointed, however, as
he's unable
to reach a certain physical state that would enable him to
join with
his date. His depression is enhanced by the fact that, from
the next room,
he hears cries of ONE, TWO, THREE...HUH! all night
long.
In the morning,
the second dwarf asks the first, How did it go? The
first whispers
back: It was so embarrassing. I simply couldn't get an
erection.
The second
dwarf shook his head. You think that's embarrassing? I
couldn't even
get on the bed!
* * *
An American businessman
was in Japan. He hired a local hooker and was going at it all night
with her
She
kept screaming "Fujifoo,
Fugifoo!!!"
which the guy took to be a sign of pleasure.
The next day,
he was golfing with his Japanese counterparts and he got
a hole-in-one.
Wanting to impress the clients, he said "Fujifoo!"
The Japanese
clients looked confused and said, "No, you got the right
hole."